Why is it that when you need to sleep you don’t? The night before our holiday I really needed a good nights sleep but just couldn’t drop off; tossing, turning, too hot, too cold, mind racing; and when I did eventually fall asleep it was more of a cat nap than a good sleep! For once we were well prepared, Alfie dispatched to Danielle’s next door; he is too old now for long journeys and active holidays; the car all packed up the night before and sitting in the garage ready for the off, without needing the roof bars and roof bag, so they were a bit of a waste of money! The only things left to go in were last minute bits and bobs, two dogs and us. And, surprisingly we set off on time. We hadn’t gone far, just merged onto the M1, when we met our first 50mph section. 20 miles of roadworks with absolutely no work taking place. Onto the M42 and another 50mph speed limit for a section of abandoned for the weekend roadworks. Apparently they are having to put in more refuge areas for the not so smart motorways. Why don’t they just revert to three lanes and paint the lines back in to reinstate the hard shoulder, surely that would be cheaper! And safer. Thankfully the M5 was clear for once and apart from a slight holdup on the A30 for and overturned caravan we made pretty good time. The kids behaved well and the dogs were amazing, especially Ivy who has never travelled so far before. 

We arrived at our cottage in the pretty little holiday village of Pendra Loweth just before six and after unpacking Paul and Netti popped back into the Lidl in Falmouth whilst the boys and I took the dogs for a good walk. We were looking for the path down to the beach but due to a lack of signage we never did find it. 

I was still chuntering about this as we tried to find the seafront promenade all the leaflets were extolling the virtues of. We looked for directions on signposts, google maps and, after wandering a good way out of the town centre, one of those “You Are Here” information boards, all of which were equally uninformative. At which point my filter failed altogether and Falmouth, and everyone within earshot, heard what I thought of the place. It was so bad not even the dogs would walk with me.

Since we had failed to find it and everyone was refusing to make a decision about whether to have a look round the town or go home I stomped off up the high street. I dove down a little back street and came out at a charming little quay where the others eventually caught up with me. After mooching around whilst I took photos we ended up in a pub on the harbour front enjoying having a welcome pint and sharing a pizza. Turned out the promenade was just the square in front of the museum edged with trendy but expensive bars and bistros. We left Falmouth just as it started to rain.

Back at the cottage I took Harry and Joey to try out the splash pool on the holiday complex whilst Paul, Netti  and Lils sat in the bar with the dogs. Probably not a good idea bearing in mind the mood I was already in since I had quite an altercation with Harry when I had to order them to get out when Joey, being silly, slipped and fell whilst running round the edge of the pool. As Joey stomped off to the changing rooms Harry refused to get out, insisting that he didn’t need supervision despite the pool rules. I insisted he get out and tried to move him to the steps which made him worse. When I asked him to mind his language in front of the other people in the pool he told me he’d drown me if I upset him or Joey again! He eventually stormed off to the changing rooms where they refused to get dried and dressed so in the end I sent them out to Netti where they promptly tried to get their version of the story in first. Oh well, teenage boys and chips off my block I suppose!

Monday was another cloudy day but very warm and humid. We had quite a slow start so decided  on a visit to Trebah Gardens which is only a few minutes drive away. It is still as good as it was eight years ago, although a tad pricier; but what isn’t these days? We had a nice amble through the bamboos of Bamboozle and the giant rhubarb jungle of Gunnera Passage on our way down to the beach. Netti and Paul settled themselves into a little cove between the rocks whilst I joined the kids for a swim in the sea; boy was it cold! It was hot chocolate all round to warm us up before wending our way back to the top of the gardens. 

Back at the cottage the boys decided to explore the holiday village. We got a phone call from them about 9pm saying they had found the beach! It took them another 40 minutes to get back and Netti was tracking them all the way. 

On Tuesday we woke up to blue skies, blazing sunshine and it looked like it was going to stay that way. We thought it would be the perfect day to visit a couple of castles, St Mawes and Pendennis.  And even better, because we’re in English Heritage, we only had to pay for Netti. We were up and out early. We decided to take the King Harry Ferry over the estuary to St Mawes rather than driving a 60 mile round trip and because I vaguely remember going on a similar ferry as a child. After missing the turn for the car park and ending up in the middle of St Mawes we had to negotiate our way back up the narrow road to the castle. This cloverleaf fortress was designed by Henry VIII with a central, four storey tower and three round bastions for gun emplacements pointing out over the mouth of the River Fal. With spiral staircases leading up and down from each bastion to each floor of the central tower it got a little confusing.

A return trip on the King Harry took us back to Falmouth and Pendennis Castle, also built by Henry VIII as an artillery fort to protect the mouth of the River Fal from the opposite side of the estuary. Before exploring we had a rather nice lunch and were amused by the cheeky magpies trying to raid the bins for scraps of leftover food. The main castle is not quite as interesting as St Mawes but the remains of all the WW2 batterys, gun emplacements and bunkers makes up for it. The only downside to both places was a lack of dog poo bins, well, we couldn’t find any, and for supposedly dog friendly places it is a bit remiss of English Heritage. 

Since we were in for a glorious evening we decided to check out Maenporth beach where the kids and I enjoyed an invigorating swim whilst Netti soaked up the evening sun in front of her pop up shelter. Ah…….the pop up shelter……..which we couldn’t un-pop so had to cram it in its bag the best we could until we got back to the cottage. We popped it up in the conservatory and it took the best part of an hour, several failed attempts and a couple of YouTube tutorials before Netti worked it out and we finally had it folded. One of the main problems was that none of us are six foot tall with the wingspan of an albatross; as we found out the next day; so it took two of us to do what is supposed to be a one person job. But at least we now have the knack.

Whilst we we all struggling with the pop-up Harry and Joey took themselves off on another of their walks. We were all sitting in the conservatory when Netti’s phone rang. It was Harry to say they’d found a Co-op. She turned on her Find My app and discovered they were almost in Falmouth! It was actually dark by the time they made their way back to the cottage.   

Wednesday morning was hot and sunny so the kids opted for a beach day. Paul said he’d rather have a lazy day at the cottage with the dogs so we packed a picnic but then decided to have burgers from the beach cafe so we to left it with Paul to bring down at tea time. Paul dropped us off at the beach and we plodded our way across the sand, picking our way through the sunbathers, paddle boards and kayaks to a spot in the shade where no one else wanted to be. Netti had sussed out, the evening before, that the sun would be on us within an hour or so so it was the perfect place to pog down. We popped up the shelter then took several plods across the sand to Life’s A Beach, one of the best beach cafes we’ve ever been to, and the beach shop to buy burgers, coffees, pop, beach shoes, a body board and a ball. Our “cheap” day at the beach cost nearly £100! And that was before we even put a toe in the sea. The body board was a hit with Lils though since she spent most of the day on it. After consuming some of the best burgers we’d tasted in a long time it was time to hit the sea. The water was so warm the kids and I enjoyed swimming and floating around in it for ages with our pool noodles. Around six o’clock Paul came down with the dogs and our picnic tea. I don’t think the dogs are too sure about the sea, they weren’t very keen on getting wet or having to swim. It was soon time to pack up and whilst Paul and the kids loaded the car Netti and I tackled the shelter; Lils was even waiting to film our struggle. We did it perfectly, to everyone’s surprise! 

Back at the cottage whilst having a shower I glanced in the mirror and realised I’d probably overdone the sun since I looked like a freshly boiled lobster. More sun cream in future. Although Lils, who had been slathered in the stuff, was as red as I was. Out came the after sun. 

Almost thankfully the weather wasn’t so nice the next morning. We sat around the conservatory sipping coffee and trying to decide what to do for the day. Lils didn’t mind what we did so long as she was covered up. As we were discussing possibilities I suggested that we take in Tintagel on the way home since we had to be out of the cottage by 10am at the latest plus it was an hour and a half’s drive from where we were, way back in the north of Cornwall . Surprisingly Paul and Netti agreed. It was getting on for lunchtime by this time and if we didn’t get a wriggle on we’d end up going nowhere.

Earlier in the week we had promised Harry we’d go to the Seal Sanctuary in  Gweek so, since it was fairly close, that is where we ended up. We had a pleasant stroll around the pools where the seals make swimming look so easy. It’s nice that the majority of the seals they rescue and treat are released back into the wild. I think the only permanent residents are elderly or needing continual treatments.

We had a nice cuppa in the cafe whilst sheltering from a brief rain shower before heading down to the puffin enclosure. I loved the little puffins, they are quite a funny little bird and the way they run along with their head down and bum up is quite sweet.

I think the best part of the day though, for everyone, was on the way home. The roads around most of Cornwall are very narrow and twisty with passing places every few yards. We had already had to back up to let the local bus and a fifty-two seater coach past and were making good progress when we met a sporty white Audi driving in the opposite direction. We then had a bit of an amusing altercation with the over-privileged twat at the wheel. He was one of those just turned 40 blokes who frequent the local golf club with slicked back bleach blond hair, a smooth as a baby’s bum moisturised skin and reeking of designer cologne. The only thing missing was the jumper casually slung round his shoulder; which was probably on the back seat. He was accompanied by his wife who throughout the whole situation sank lower and lower in her seat. It all started when we pulled into the passing place and he refused to go past. He wanted us to reverse back to where the road was wider. When Paul pointed out that it would be easier for him to reverse back to a farm gateway about 30 yards back he refused saying

 “I’ve already had to reverse once today!”

“Well I’ve had to reverse several times fella.” Replied Paul.

By this time a blue Golf had pulled in behind us. The bloke in the Audi was still refusing to pass despite Paul pulling the wing mirror in. There followed a lot of gesticulating and shoulder shrugging from Audi man whilst Mrs Audi slid so far down she was almost in the footwell. Memories of a similar situation whilst touring Ireland sprung to mind as Paul turned off the ignition and called out that he could wait all day! And then, just to make it more fun, a red Golf pulled up behind the Audi.

“Bloody hell” exclaimed Paul “it looks like we’ve got a Mexican stand-off now you daft ****!”

Seeing that he had come upon a vehicular impasse the young chap driving decided that this would be as good a time as any to tuck into his pizza whilst he waited for things to get moving again. 

At this point the guy in the blue Golf was out of his car and was shouting at Audi man to hurry up and move. I think Audi man must have got the impression that folk had had enough so, with great reluctance and a lot of guidance from the guy in the Golf he slowly edged past, avoiding all eye contact with anyone. And there was plenty of room to spare as the chap in the red Golf pointed out

“Bloody hell, I can get through here whilst eating my pizza!” he giggled, waving a large slice of pepperoni at us as he went by. 

Dinner was late that evening as Paul and Netti took the kids to the beach for an hour when we got back. And Paul had another fraught meeting on a narrow road. This time with three coaches taking a bunch of school kids to the beach for a barbecue. And guess what? He had to reverse back to the wide part of the road which resulted in him hitting a post and ripping the bumper off the car. Fortunately the damage was actually only minimal so no expensive repairs needed. 

Our last full day started dull but warm. Again we had a very slow start and no one seemed to know what they wanted to do. Joey was in sleep mode so wasn’t bothered about anything and Harry was happy enough watching TV.

In the end, since it had got so late in the day, we opted for the beach. Netti and Lils were hoping to hire a paddle board but the guy had shut up shop and gone home ten minutes before we turned up so they and the boys headed off to their favourite spot. I had decided that I was going to walk over to Swanpool along the coastal path so Paul decided he would join me with the dogs. The first bit was quite a slog since it took us from sea level to the top of the cliffs. I have to say, though, that the dogs were brilliant, no pulling, no barking, just gently plodding along. We had been going for about twenty minutes when Paul decided to call it a day and turned back taking Iris with him. I carried on with Ivy and made it to the end of the path but didn’t go down to Swanpool beach as the last bit was along a quite busy road with no pavements. It took about 40 minutes to get back to Maenporth where I enjoyed a last dip in the sea before devouring yet another fantastic burger.

By teatime the sun had disappeared behind dark clouds, there was a chill in the air and the wind was picking up. As Netti started packing up the pop-up shelter a gust of wind caught it, turning it into a giant kite, almost stepping her off her feet.

Back at the cottage that evening we set about packing ready for an early start in the morning. 

What a day! Up by 7am and packing the last of our stuff. We had left the cottage and were on the road to Tintagel Castle by 9.30. I wasn’t too sure that the weather would be kind to us as the rain clouds looming over the landscape got darker the closer we got to Tintagel. And when we got a few spots of rain I resigned myself to a quick trudge to the castle accompanied by three moaning kids, two wet dogs, Netti heading for the nearest cafe and Paul grumbling about having the wet dogs in the car. As it was, by the time we’d parked up and got organised the clouds were clearing and the sun was trying to break through.

We made for the castle where Paul toyed with the idea of taking the Land Rover shuttle down until the guy said it would be better to walk down and ride up. Obvious really. Since we all needed the loos we went straight down to the bottom where, after using the facilities, we decided the have a cuppa before exploring the castle. Once refreshed we made our way up the winding steps to the main entrance to the castle. The kids didn’t seem too impressed, possibly because it’s not a castle as such but the remains of one. It’s more a mystical thing and, to be fair, my main reason for coming was to walk across the Sky Bridge. Paul wimped out on all the steps around the grounds and settled himself and the dogs into a little pog to wait for us. The steps back to the cafe and, surprise, surprise, the gift shop took us past Merlin’s cave; which, unfortunately we couldn’t explore as low tide wasn’t until later that evening. As recommended we took the Land Rover shuttle back to the village rather than climb the hill.

Back in the village Paul suggested we get something substantial to eat so we would only need comfort breaks on the way home. We found a very nice dog friendly pub, The Cornishman Inn, where we sat on the terrace and had a pleasant meal. On the way back to the car the kids had crêpes and ice creams whilst Iris and Ivy enjoyed their first doggie ice cream. 

It was gone 5pm before we eventually set off for home but we had a good journey with only one hold up and and those infernal 50mph stretches where, once again, there was no evidence of anyone actually working. 

We all agreed we’d had a brilliant holiday but it’s always nice to come home.