August bank holiday, the end of the summer in sight, and what better way to celebrate than joining the thousands of like minded folk who gather at the famous Lincoln Asylum Steampunk Festival each year. The Subtlety Sisters; those intrepid explorers of damp and dingy vaults, Hetty and Lilian Steadbone-McCree; and The Steambetweeners; Master Harold and the renowned pirate Joey No Fingers; enjoyed it so much the boys are planning for next year already.
After arriving at Manda’s on the Friday we headed into Newark to scout the charity shops for stuff to kit Harry out with more than one outfit for the weekend. Boy did we drop on some bargains! I do have to say, he does look good in waistcoats and bow ties. That evening, since I was driving at the crack of sparrers next morning, I went to bed early leaving the other three watching Jurassic Park until they fell asleep.
As I had no choice but to drive into Lincoln on the Saturday; the trains were on strike, surprise, surprise; and was expecting parking to be at a premium I had pre-booked a car parking space whilst drinking my morning coffee. After a really early breakfast for the boys we headed off to Lincoln. Finding our parking spot; which turned out to be a small industrial estate way out of the city centre; was a little confusing with the satnav being of little help either. Then when we did find it there was more confusion as to where exactly we were supposed to park as it seemed to be pot luck as to whether you got a spot anyway what with most of the bays taken by the 4x4s and sports coupes of the gym bunnies and bucks using the local CrossFit. We eventually just beat an MPV to a spot, after a wee “discussion” (no rude words were used at all) with the manager of the uniform supplier who were selling the parking through the Just Park app. Certainly won’t be recommending their parking or the app! We got ourselves ready and set off on the mile and a half walk along the river and into the city centre. We had planned to join a group of horizontal mountaineers who “climb” Lincoln’s famous Steep Hill most years but due to miscommunication, holdups, pouring rain and being hangry we didn’t quite achieve our objective. Instead we met up with our friend Lisa and her niece and sat out the rain over a really nice brunch at The Rest, about half way up Steep Hill whilst we waited for another friend, Sharon, to catch up with us. After our meal we opted to continue up the hill to the main festival area rather than go all the way back down to start mountaineering up again!
As it was our first Asylum I had paid out for the wristbands, not wanting the boys to miss out on anything so when we reached Castlegate we joined the queue at Event Control to pick up our wristbands. What a fiasco that was. With hundreds of people collecting their pre-booked wristbands and hundreds more wanting to buy them on the day they should have been better prepared. But ooooh no. There was one small marquee with three volunteers behind a table but only one person with the only iPad was both scanning the prepaid QR codes AND taking the on the day payments. The other two seemed to be engrossed with their walkie-talkies whilst a fourth was putting the wristbands on once you’d got through the check-in procedure. I bet you can’t guess what happened next? The iPad and the card reader lost their wifi signal so everything ground to a halt whilst the poor woman tried to sort it out. By the time she got the signal back the iPad had turned itself off and none of the four of them knew the passcode to get back into the check-in app. In the end they had to resort to writing down the names of the pre-booked wristbands and taking cash for the rest. You would have thought the organisers would have known about the poor signal and have had contingency plans in place. And perhaps left a spare iPad and the login details with the people who needed it. And, in my opinion, they should have had two marquees, one fast track for pre-booked wristbands and a separate one for the pay on the day tickets. Many folk were not happy since they missed the stuff they wanted to see whist waiting to get the wristbands which allowed them into the venues so maybe the volunteers checking wristbands at the various venues should have been issuing them as well. And in hindsight the wristbands weren’t necessary as they only covered the parts of the castle used by the festival and we still had to pay the full entry fee for the whole castle experience.
Thankfully by the time we were sorted the rain had stopped and the rest of the day was more enjoyable as we wandered around the stalls and venues, met friends, drank gin and ate churros. Whilst Manda and Sharon were listening to the steampunk choir I took the boys for a look around the cathedral, where Harry pointed out the Lincoln Imp to Joey.
Since The Steambetweeners were getting a little dehydrated I took them into a strange shop/cafe on the corner where we waited for Manda and Sharon to catch us up. Once we had bidden Sharon farewell we wandered around Bailgate and Castlegate passing the time chatting to folk and finding dogs; Joey does seem to attract them! We still had quite a while before our booking at Brown’s Pie Shop so we hung around the cathedral taking photos.
As we entered the restaurant the manager remembered us from our last visit and, as fate would have it, were seated at the same table. Although I do wish I’d realised Joey wouldn’t like anything at all on the menu since he doesn’t like pie; I’d have found somewhere else if I’d known. We were just saying how nice our meals were when Harry cut into the steak and ale pie he’d been looking forward to all day.
“Uhh?” he uttered “beans?”
He held his hands out and pulled that face he pulls when he can’t quite believe what he’s seen or heard.
“It’s beans!” he exclaimed.
We told him to open up the pie and sure enough he’d got a baked bean pie! We called the waitress over and explained that he’d got the wrong pie. She trotted off to the manager who must have felt like it was groundhog day! She was so embarrassed about the mistake but, like us, couldn’t believe that we’d been struck by the wrong pie lightening twice! She was really apologetic and Harry was soon tucking into his steak and ale pie.
As our feet were really suffering by now I had suggested we get a taxi back to the car but the other three opted to walk. It wasn’t so bad down Steep Hill and through the city as I was taking loads of photos but the last bit along the riverside path and through the deserted industrial estate seemed to take hours. We were all well and truly ready for bed by the time we got back to Manda’s and Joey was asleep almost before his head hit the pillow.
Since I had suggested we go in on the train on the Sunday; £7 return for the boys and me was cheaper than car parking; we didn’t have to get up quite so early, although the boys were still quite grumpy at being woken up and didn’t cheer up until much later. We did drop lucky at the station when a very kind young woman offered to let us share her taxi up to the cathedral and then refused to let us pay our share. As it was Pirate Day we joined the group of pirates picnicking on the lawn behind the cathedral.
After lunch we called in at the popup market in the Magna Carta pub where Harry bought a lightweight pith helmet and Manda managed to leave her expensive sunglasses in the toilets. By the time she realised and went back they had gone. I can sympathise as I know what it feels like, having left an equally expensive pair of RayBans in the Guinness brewery in Dublin many years ago. We decided to pay for the castle since; last time we were in Lincoln; I’d promised Harry I’d take him in the next time we were here. Our first stop was the Magna Carta; Harry is the only 14 year old boy I know who actually thinks standing in a dark room and reading the Magna Carta is awesome! From there we went on to explore the old prison where Harry had Joey and me using the Find My app in a game of hide and seek round the cells. The app kept telling us we were on top of him but it took us ages and we had to give up in the end. The little beast was hiding behind a cell door which he had pushed to! Then it was off to the prison chapel for more fun, games and photos. For our final exploration we took a turn around the castle walls singing “every sperm is sacred” at the top of our voices and although the sun was shining we had to hold on to our hats as it was a wee bit breezy.
Back down in the castle grounds there was time for another look round the stalls; I bought myself a little replica pistol; more gin and churros and more chatting to friends until it was time to go and catch our train home. Which had been cancelled! Oh dear! Thankfully we managed to fall into a nice, old fashioned Bateman’s pub, The Treaty Of Commerce, just around the corner from the station, where we passed a pleasant hour over a pint whilst waiting for the next train.
Since we had been told about a little known carpark near the cathedral we had decided to drive in for the parade on the Monday. Except, by the time we got there, it was full. Typical. And with time running out we had to go in search of somewhere to park. With all the local roadside parking for 2 hours only it looked like we were going to miss our first Asylum Parade as we went in search of a long term car park. But luck was on our side. As I was driving up past the hospital, heading towards the Waitrose park and ride, I spotted a space at the side of the road. Manda jumped out and checked up and down for any waiting limit signs or meters but found nothing to say we couldn’t park there. I, as usual, was stressing about everything as we got ourselves ready and it wasn’t until we rounded a corner and joined the parade as it passed by that I calmed down.
Manda and the boys voted that we do the parade then call it a day since we’d seen all the stalls, done the castle, and the cathedral. In the end we didn’t leave until things were starting to wind down. I wanted to watch the Steampunk Sallys, who were performing at midday, although I only just made it as I had to rush back to the car because Manda had left both our phones on the glove box shelf in full view of passers by! Which is also why I didn’t get any photos of the parade. As we watched the Steampunk Sallys the boys went off to the churros stall; I think they were on first name terms by then; and round the stalls for one last time, where we agreed to buy Joey a pistol like Granny’s. By then it was time for Madame Misfit to take the stage and as we’ve seen her at several events and she’s such a good entertainer we decided to stay and watch. We even joined in when she had everyone up doing the Charleston Stroll with her. Mind you, she had us all being aeroplanes to the Dambusters theme at a recent 40s event! Then we just had to stay and watch the Star Wars group parade in since Joey has decided he wants to be Luke Skywalker, complete with X-34 landspeeder next year. He’s now on the lookout for a biddy buggy to convert!
We eventually wended our way out of the castle grounds; saying our goodbye to old friends and new along the way; and went in search of the ice creams we’d promised Joey all weekend. We found the sweet little Bells Tea Shop at the top of Steep Hill; right opposite the pie shop; where we indulged ourselves with afternoon tea and, of course, the ice cream for two very tired Steambetweeners. At least that way we wouldn’t have to cook a big dinner when we got in.
As we finally headed wearily back to the car, we all agreed that it had turned out to be our best day. And what people must have thought as they drove past two mature women stripping off hoops, bloomers and corsets at the the roadside is anyones guess. Oh well, needs must.
The following morning we all had a well deserved lie in before the boys and I headed for home.
You can find the full Gallery here.