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Down In The Dordogne

We were originally planning to go to Italy for our main holiday this year but due to several sets of circumstances we ended up plumping for France again. We chose the Dordogne area as this is where Kate though she was going last year. I had also decided that I had had enough of night driving and arriving at our destination with everyone tired and grumpy so I had booked us a stopover near Dover and a later ferry the next morning. That way I hoped, after a good nights sleep, we’d be more refreshed for our drive down the length of France.

I had said that we needed to be on our way by lunchtime, so there were me and Shawna preparing our pre-journey fry-up at 12.00 whilst we waited for the Joneses to finish packing their caravan. The dining room was in complete chaos with everyone milling about waiting for the off! As is now the norm we eventually got set off at 1.50!! The journey started well with good traffic conditions and no hold ups so we were making good time until Paul said he thought we had a problem with the car. It was losing power and every time we hit an uphill gradient we were really struggling. So it looked like our holiday was over before it had started so, of course, I got all het up and started to stress. Good job we had the two way radios so we could let PJ know we had a problem. We pulled into the Cambridge services where Paul and PJ discovered one of the injectors had come loose. Whilst Kate, Netti and me took the kids into the services and got coffees all round they repaired the injector and replaced the air filter. They did try to kid me by telling me they couldn’t repair the car and we’d have to wait for the RAC but I’d heard them telling Netti that everything was OK. We were soon underway again and made very good time, even around the M25. It seemed really strange heading down towards Dover in the evening instead of early morning. We found the campsite easily and were quickly set up and, as I had pre-booked a table for us, in the pub for dinner. After our meal it was back to the caravan for a very cosy night with me, Paul, Netti and the three little ones all in our caravan. We had farmed Cain out to Kate for the night so it was cosy for them too.

Next morning Netti got us up early as we had to get into Dover for the 9.30 ferry. Since we had stayed hooked up to the cars overnight it was just a matter of disconnecting the electric and winding the legs up and we were on the way. Paul decided to call in at the services and fill up with diesel but PJ and Kat didn’t see us go round to the services and went straight onto the motorway. We met up with them at the garage we usually use in Dover and as we pulled out of the garage we had our first hold up. There was a four-x-four on it’s side which looked like it had been hit by the lorry which was pulled up in the outside lane. Thankfully no-one appeared to be hurt and we managed to get past them before the police closed the road to clear the accident.

The trip over the channel went without a hitch. We went straight up to the cafe area where we had a good breakfast. Well, except for the fact that all the coffee machines were not working properly so we ended up having to have tea instead, which didn’t please Netti. Once in France we set off on our drive down to Fontainebleau. We made really good time until we hit The Peripherique! It took us a good 2 hours to get round yet another accident which involved three cars in the fast lane. And it was teatime, on a Friday, heading out of Paris!  And we got separated from the Jonses. Once through Paris we had a trouble free drive to Fontainbleau. The final approach to our campsite, however, became a little hairy as it was very narrow in places and we had weave around all the parked cars before going round a sharp left-hand bend at the bottom of a hill, leading into a narrow tunnel!  So it was quite late when we finally arrived at the campsite where the woman in reception either couldn’t or wouldn’t speak English. We went and found a couple of pitches that looked big enough for us and started to pitch up. About 20 minutes later the Jones arrived, after taking a short detour around Fontainebleau town centre when they took a wrong turn! Kate told me off for not answering my phone as she’d been trying to get hold of me for instructions on how to reach the site butI swear I never heard it ring. She then told us  that when they came upon the tunnel, after their adventure round Fontainbleau they nearly turned back as they didn’t think they would fit through the narrow gap! Once we were set up Kate sorted us out with a proper camping dinner of “mince n mush” whilst the kids ran riot with their scooters and PJ sorted out water for everyone After dinner we settled down for another cosy night.

The very small tunnel

The day of the long drive down south dawned sunny and warm. And I had the mother of all mozzie bites on my arm! In fact most of us had been got. For once the Jones were NOT the ones who held us up! It was Netti!! We were sat having our second cup of coffee before setting off when she realised that when she had gone to the car earlier for the kids clothes she had left the keys inside. And our car automatically locks itself after a few minutes. There were a few choice words said I can tell you!  Once again PJ came to the rescue as, fortunately, he seems to carry a whole garage around with him so, of course, he had something to get us into the car. We finally set off mid morning, to find the roads were relatively clear and toll free until Orlèans. We stopped at a really nice Aire de Picnic for our lunch, a good rest and letting the kids have a play since they had been  really good on the drive down. And I had bought myself a proper paper map at the first services so I was happy!

It was well past teatime by the time we got to the Dordogne and the final bit of the drive seemed to drag on and on. It felt like Limueil was moving away from us the closer we got. And it didn’t help when I misread my instructions and took us off in completely the wrong direction, up a narrow lane leading into the hills. After some very nifty manoeuvring by Paul and PJ (they’re getting really good at this) we got ourselves back on the right road but again took another wrong turning in Le Bugue and ended up going the back way to Limueil, (something else we’re good at) which was sort of the right way but a more twisty twiny road especially with the caravans on the back. Cue more chuntering from everybody! We arrived at the site just after eight and were taken straight to our pitches. They were quite small and we did think at one point that Kate’s caravan wasn’t going to fit, especially as we had to get it up onto a slight hump, which when you’re trying to push a 26ft caravan seems like a small mountain. And by this time we were tired and tempers were getting a little frayed. It was quite noisy on site that night as there was a music festival across the river so we let the kids let off a little steam whilst we sorted out the caravans and even put the awnings up without any arguments. And that was when we discovered that the inner tents for the pods were not the ones we thought they were. We had brought one from our porch awning and the other was from one of the half size bedroom annexes and not the full sized one. So we had to concoct a Heath Robinson way of putting them up with bungee cords so Netti and Shawna had somewhere to sleep. And then the camp beds we had didn’t fit so Netti had to make do with the air bed again. Kate and PJ once again did us proud with a good dinner and a bottle of wine that Netti had fetched from the shop. It was called Montbazillac and turned out to be that lovely sweet, honey tasting wine that I’ve been searching for for years, ever since we’d had a bottle in a case we bought in Les Eyzies last time we were there in 1995! Apparently it’s a speciality of that particular region.

After a hot sticky night we awoke to an even hotter morning. And covered in more mozzie bites! Netti and I went up to the camp shop for croissants, bread and milk, not a cheap breakfast I can tell you. We decided to have a restful day around the campsite organising ourselves. I managed to put up the small tent for Cain, which was very hot work! When we were more or less set up we took the kids up to the swimming pool where even I got in, it was so nice to cool down in the blistering heat. It wasn’t a very big site and quite basic really and apart from the swimming pools there were only two small play parks for the kids.  That evening PJ sparked up the barbecue and this is where I thought the pitches were a little inadequate. As their caravan was quite big and with the awning and pod on there wasn’t much room left to sit around so we had to sit outside our caravan as there was more space. Which would have been OK but for the sizeable hedge between us! So we had to keep running back and forth with the food. More mozzies! After dinner the kids went to play on the park where they got told off by some bloke for being on the park at 8.30 in the evening because it was in front of his tent! The couple straight opposite however, thought all the kids were well behaved.

When Netti went up to the shop for bread and milk the next morning she was told that the bloke from last night had complained to the owners about the kids being on the park. And he made her feel very awkward by also saying that someone had left the site early because they didn’t like all the noisy children. Now I really take exception to being made to feel it was just our kids when there were at least half a dozen other families with small children who, unlike ours, had cried and screamed all night long!!

We decided to get off the site for the afternoon and take the kids to the aquarium in Le Bugue. It was very much like a Sealife Centre but cleaner. And as we were there slightly out of the main season there weren’t huge crowds of people so all the kids could get a look. We were just finishing in the gift shop and about to leave when there was an announcement that it was feeding time for the carp. And when we got to the carp pool we found that WE were going to be doing the feeding. A chap went round giving us all some mussels to give to the carp. You had to put your hand in the water with the mussel poking out and the carp came up and took it. The water appeared to be boiling with the fish as they came up for their dinner! Kate and Netti were very wimpy and reluctant to do it but Lils called her mum a wimp and was in there like a pro. She said they were kissing her hand!

We had our obligatory trip to the supermarket on the way back to the site where there was just enough time for a swim before dinner.

A nice easy start to the next day. We decided that we would drive over to Montignac to get the tickets for Lascaux II since we had read that you usually have to get them the day before you visit . Then Kate said they couldn’t go because PJ was having one of his poorly days. In the end, though, she said she and the kids would come with us if I went in with her. The next thing we knew PJ was being incredibly brave and coming with us. We got into Montignac about lunchtime and eventually found the tourist office where we had to buy the tickets. We’re taken a little by surprise when the girl told us we could go on the English tour that afternoon at 2.30pm. Since we had to hang around for a while we decided to find somewhere for a coffee. We found a little cafe in a square, away from the road, and got settled. We seemed to be sat there for ages before the woman came to take our orders for coffee and juice but when she brought it out she had forgotten one of the coffees. Then, when we asked for sandwiches, she told us she only had the croque monsieur left. I personally think she was trying to get us to order something more expensive than sandwiches. Kate thought it was because she didn’t want to make so many sandwiches cos she served two blokes after us and they got sandwiches. In the end we paid and left. Fortunately the Jones had already had a sandwich while they were waiting for me to fetch Netti and the tribe from the car.

We drove up to Lascaux II where we had to wait in the sweltering afternoon heat for the English tour. Mind you, everyone has to wait in the sweltering heat, even the school party going in before us. They have changed it a little since we last went cos there wasn’t the model showing how they made the replica cave. But it was still quite interesting as they described how the original paintings had been done and how they got all the colours. It was quite strange to think that all the same techniques are still being used today by people like Paul. I’m not sure how much the kids will remember though. Rowan seemed quite interested and Shawna decided she wanted to be an archaeologist! And Lils and Harry found the upside down horse. Poor old Paul ended up with Joey. Who apparently proved useful when, about halfway round the tour Paul did a really loud fart and when, according to PJ, several people heard it he blamed it on Joey, who, as luck would have it, had also filled his nappy! Paul was somewhat glad to get out of the confined space!! Following the cave there was the obligatory visit to the gift shop.

From there we went on to Le Thot, which was a huge disappointment, as it had been the last time we’d visited. Plus it has been really run down since our last visit and I’m glad it came at a reduced price when purchased with the Lascaux tickets. Basically it was a path around a fenced field with a couple of deer, a couple of bison and nothing else. It took us all of 20 minutes to get round. And that was with Joey walking!!

On the Wednesday everyone had decided to stay on the site and spend the day around the pool. Since Paul is not a pool person I asked if we could go to Millandes to see the Josephine Baker chateau. At the last minute Shawna invited herself along, I think it was partly so she didn’t have to look after Rowan and Harvey whilst Kate and PJ went back to the supermarket. We found the chateau after following a country road that appeared to be going into the middle of nowhere but when you get there…..it really is a fairy tale castle, perched up in the hills. Once again there were very few people there so we had a leisurely tour round the chateau where we learned all about Josephine Bakers life and work, from being a burlesque dancer to a war heroine and charity worker. We also saw the famous banana belt that she wore in her 1926 stage act. Shawna decided she wants to be a burlesque dancer! After the tour round the chateau we went for a bite of lunch. We somehow missed the tearoom and ended up in the bistro. But it was really pleasant sat in the shade of the lime trees listening to Josephine Baker whilst we ate. I told Shawna that I wouldn’t tell everyone she enjoyed listening to Josephine Baker! We finished lunch just in time to go and watch the birds of prey show. They had some stunning eagles. And they also showed us how they used to hunt with birds by putting a ferret down a hole to flush the rabbit out. And then, to the amusement of all, a remote controlled dead rabbit on wheels with a piece of chicken strapped to its back hurtled across the lawn to be swooped upon by the hawk. Who says the French don’t have a sense of humour! Shawna decided that she wants to be a bird handler! After that it was back to the site for a nice cooling swim. To find the one or two people had had just a little too much sun and were a nice shade of pink!

Thursday was another HOT day! We decided to visit the Roque St Christophe as this is the place Kate thought she was going to see last year! By the time we had climbed up from the car-park to the entrance even I was sweating and my clothes were sticking to me. Much to Netti’s disgust we had to leave Joeys buggy in the buggy park. Which meant Joey was walking, along an uneven ledge, in the side of a cliff, a hundred feet up! But then so were Harry and Harvey!! We tried to imagine what it would be like having to live up there with all our kids. We’d have had to fasten them down to stop them falling over the edge. When you looked at the model there were several different levels to the place so there had been houses further up the cliff face, so even troglodytes had high rise living!

Next on the agenda was the Prehisto Parc, which had been recommended to us by some people on the campsite. It was quite nice getting there when we did as we had the place almost to ourselves. The route took us through the different eras showing how humans had developed over thousands of years. The kids seemed to enjoy it especially as they could run free. It does seem though that anyone with a bit of land around there can put some  model mammoths and cavemen around the place and open it up to the public for a price!!

Back at the site, after a swim, we decided to have a pizza up at the take away place and have an evening stroll over to Limueil. We shouldn’t have bothered, there’s nothing there but a couple of expensive restaurants! Not even a bar! We even struggled all the way up the steep hill to the top of the village, all in vain. All I can say about the place is that it’s a bit like Robin Hoods Bay, very pretty but all effort and no reward!

Friday was another hot morning so we had another slow start to the day. We sat around the caravans til lunchtime watching the little ones play. In the afternoon we decided to visit the Gouffre de  Proummeyssac. This is the one that Netti remembers. I thought the little kids might be a bit frightened and noisy when we started to walk down into the cave but they were all really good. Even when the lights all went out for the little son et lumiere show at the beginning. Lils thought that it was very pretty with the stalactites and stalagmites all lit up. There’s not much to say about a cave really but it was awesome. And followed by……..you guessed it……..the gift shop. Where I did treat myself to a petrified Cro Magnon Man. (And I know there are going to be a few comments there!!) And then I made a big mistake by suggesting we did the forest walk instead of shopping. It was only a few hundred meters long but you’d have thought it was a twenty mile trek they way some people made it feel. In the end we just got it over with and came back to the site and tried to take the kids into the pool for a bit. However I think that by this time everyone was in such a bad mood that it wasn’t such a good idea cos Netti and me had a row over the kids, Kate and PJ had taken refuge in the bar and the older kids were doing as they pleased. In the end I got dressed and took myself off for a long walk along one of the footpaths I’d found. I had got to the point where I was fed up with everything and everyone and always being in the wrong. And I was really fed up with the campsite as I felt, that ever since that first night we were being watched and judged by the campsite owner, who always seemed to avoid eye contact with us. Unfortunately this attitude marred the whole holiday for us. It is definitely not a site I would recommend. Dinner was had in Kate’s ballroom of an awning.

On Saturday we gave the kids a choice, castle or gardens and I bet you can’t guess which one they all went for. In the end we did both as when we arrived at the castle they did a joint ticket for the two. The kids loved the castle as it had all the old weaponry on show from giant crossbows to even bigger catapults. You had to follow the tour round which took you up lots of narrow winding stairs and across walkways. Netti didn’t enjoy it much as Lils and Harry kept looking over the edge of the tower. At one point Lils jumped up to look over at the top and Netti nearly died with fright. Kate and PJ disappeared early on in pursuit of Harvey and Cain and Rowan went off and did their own thing until Kate got worried about Rowan being silly on the castle walls! The usual obligatory stop at the expensive gift shop where the only purchase was a dragon for Harry (he does like his knights and dragons, maybe he’s practicing to be a dungeon master!) We enjoyed crepes, ice cream and coffees in the little cafe on the way back to the car-park.

From there we drove the three kilometres to the Jardins de Montreyssac. Where most of us wished we could have spent much longer. Apart from the amazing topiary there were so many paths to explore that it was hard to decide where to start. In the end most of us started in the maze. Well, I say maze, it was a labyrinth of woodland paths through a giant shrubbery (and no I didn’t come across the knights that say NI!) with a little treehouse hidden amongst the shrubs. This is where we lost Netti, Lils and Harry. In the end we all seemed to go our own way along all the little pathways. Kate, PJ Shawna, Rowan and Harvey found their way to a play park at the other end of the garden and Paul got halfway along before turning back with Joey because, he said, it was too difficult to get the buggy round. And I did try to get to the Belvedere but every time I thought I’d made it there was another bend in the path. In the end I gave up since it was all uphill, I was hot and sticky and it was getting late. I would like to go there again sometime.

That evening the weather broke. By the time we got back to the campsite it was quite cool and cloudy and indeed by the time we went to bed there was thunder and lightening and it was throwing it down. So bad in fact that I had to close my window as the bed was getting wet. Cain and Rowan braved it through the night in their tent which surprised everyone.

Since we had missed the supermarket the night before Paul and PJ had said they’d go in the morning. About 11.00 we suddenly realised that it was Sunday and it would only be open for the morning. And then Netti dropped the bombshell…….they had about 45 minutes to get dressed and into Le Bugue before the Intermarche closed! So off they hurried. Kate was sulking in bed as she and PJ had had a good old barney and were getting a divorce the minute they got home and Netti was stressing with the little ones. The mood was not good that morning. And the weather wasn’t that much better either and was quite a lot cooler than previous days. Eventually Cain and Rowan took themselves off to the pool where I joined them a while later but didn’t go in as it wasn’t warm enough for me. Paul took Shawna back up to the Gouffre to buy her trinket box with her babysitting money. It was a strange day all round. When Kate and Netti took the kids back to get ready for dinner I joined Paul at the bar where he was using the internet and we had a couple of quiet drinks before heading back to the caravan.

On Monday it looked like the weather was picking up again. We knew we weren’t going to make the Le Bugue market as that was the day we were leaving so we decided to go to the one at Les Eyzies instead. Quite a nice little market with loads of local produce. We bought a couple of bottles of Montbazillac, PJ bought some strange cheese and we shared the cost of some duck salami. I also bought a very small, very expensive tin of duck pâté. We then found a pizzeria where we had a spot of lunch before heading back to the caravans to start packing up ready for the trip home. That evening we had our final barbecue of the holiday. We let the kids go play on the park and chatted into the evening. The couple front the opposite pitch came to say goodbye as they were leaving very early in the morning. And once again we had the ducks in looking for treats.

Well we did try to be up and packed up early. We’d packed as much as we could the evening before but there was still a lot to do. Whilst Paul and Netti packed everything into the caravan I took Cain’s tent down. And that took a while since the rain had turned the ground muddy underneath it I had to clean it all before packing it away. In the end the groundsheet and inner tent just got folded up and put in the back of the car as they were too damp to roll up. In the end it was 12.30 before we left and PJ still had to fill up with diesel. Paul had filled ours up when he went up to Proumeyssac and not told PJ! Once again the kids were really good and put up with the long drive back to Fontainebleau where we were staying for three nights. Although we got there late on, again, we got pitched up quite quickly for us. We decided that Netti and her tribe would sleep in the caravan as before and Cain would have the awning pod.

Wednesday dawned sunny and warm. It was the day I had planned to visit the Chateau De Fontainebleau. We arrived in Fontainbleau town and got parked up. Paul went into the post office to change some money and then we walked the back way in through one of the gardens. Again we had to leave the buggy but Paul, as usual, took Joey. Netti headed off with Lils and Harry and we never saw them until we’d finished the tour. Kate, PJ and their tribe were in front of us so when Paul and I went the wrong way Shawna showed us where we’d gone wrong and then stayed with us. The place is stunning and lots of pics were taken. Once the chateau was done we went out into the gardens and found the tearoom where we had sandwiches and coffee. Whilst there the kids spotted the horse and carriage ride. Harry was very taken with the horse so jokingly Paul asked PJ if we should go for the trip around the garden, and the next thing we know we’ve paid our €50 and are sitting in the carriage. Well you should have seen the faces of Harry, Lils, Harvey and Rowan when the horses set off. They were beaming from ear to ear and they didn’t stop laughing for ages. It was worth the money just for that reason. The trip took us out of the formal garden,  through a gate which Kate recognised as the one they’d had to negotiate with the caravan on the back the previous week, and into the surrounding parkland, stopping at various places of interest before returning us to the tearoom. All through the trip the drivers mutt kept hopping on and off the carriage. Once back at the chateau we took a stroll to the fountain in the middle of the formal garden.  And then the thunder and lightning began. Kate hurriedly headed off back towards the chateau and shelter closely followed by all the others. As the rain was only very light I continued around the fountain and to the bottom of the garden. I was joined on my little perambulation by Shawna and Lils. It was only a shower for goodness sake. We left the chateau and had a wander around the town where we let the kids ride on the carousel. On the way back to the campsite we did a not so small detour into Avon to find the Carrefour. It was like Goldthorpe with a touch of Denaby, a dash of Mexborough and a good slug of Wath. It even had the token drunk with a paper bag and a beat up face weaving across the car-park!!

Thursday started off fine. we spent the morning sorting out the caravans and doing a final pack so there wasn’t too much to do the next two mornings. Whist doing this it started spitting with rain so Kate found the parasol she’d brought with them and decided to put it up. Since it wouldn’t go in the ground PJ went and hammered it in and broke the end off. In the end it was jammed into the spike for the swing ball but by this time the rain had stopped. It was then that Paul found the French bread. It had been put in a bag and overnight had bent until it looked like a boomerang. The next thing anyone knew the bent French bread went flying across the campsite! Well obviously it had to be thrown back at Paul!! And from there it escalated with this damp, disintegrating French loaf being hurled at everyone whilst unbeknownst to most, Netti and the kids were hidden behind a bush filling water bombs at the tap. And then the rain came! And the water bombs. So there we were, five adults, two teenagers and five small children running around the campsite hurling the now wet French bread and water bombs at each other. I tried to sneak up on PJ with a water bomb but he saw me and ran. When I tried to catch him my feet slipped on the wet grass, I flew up in the air and landed on my backside twisting my knee in the process. Maybe I should have taken that as a warning but I carried on playing anyway and my knee took ages to heal. Cain also tried to sneak up with a plastic storage box full of water but instead of getting PJ the box broke and the water went all over him instead. Then PJ turned on the hosepipe! We were all thoroughly wet through. Then Kate noticed that Paul had gone and sat out of the way in the awning so she went in, sat on his knee and gave him a big hug! No-one was going to stay dry!! All too soon the fun was over as we had decided that as it was our last night we would go out for a meal that evening. So once we had dried off and changed we set off to find somewhere nice to eat. Paul and I asked the lady in reception, who managed a little English this time, and she gave us a list of local places. We found one which suited us quite well as it wasn’t too posh. However the owners English wasn’t the best and the menu was only in French. So it was a bit pot luck what we ordered, he did try to tell us what things were though by quacking and mooing. The kids all had steak hache and chips. The other meals were a mix of steak and onions for Paul, PJ and Shawna and duck legs for Netti, Kate and me. Not the most stupendous meal I’ve ever had but nice enough. The puddings however………were truly yummy! And at least we didn’t have to wash up!

A gentle pack the next morning and Kate was determined to get their awning down and packed before we’d got ours down. It was a close race! We set off, as usual, at lunchtime. After taking a wrong turn out of Fontainebleau we found ourselves heading for the wrong bit of motorway, into Paris. But thanks to my paper map I could see where we needed to be. As we drove along the road away from Fontainebleau we all noticed that every single lay-by had a prostitute in residence, blatantly hawking her wares for all to see! And not one of them was young or pretty!!  We called in at some services for fuel and ended up stopping and having a McDonalds for lunch, just as the traffic into Paris ground to a halt. By the time we rejoined the motorway the traffic was moving slowly again, but fortunately we weren’t in it for long before we headed off away from Paris and towards Calais. My only worry at this point was that we wouldn’t make it in time for the municipal campsite. Which proved to be a bit of a pain to locate once we got to Calais. I phoned the site and they said we’d be OK and they had some pitches. When we got there and saw the pitches they were quite compact to say the least and PJ didn’t think their caravan would go on. It did. Just. And Cain commented that it looked a bit rough. OK, so it was a bit basic, but at least it wasn’t costing us £30 a night either! Then we couldn’t find where to get water from so had to make do with what we’d got in the little carrier. We unhooked and left Netti with the kids whilst we and the Jones went looking for the hypermarket. I thought the Auchan would be the easiest as we’d passed it on the way to the site, but could we find it! Or any of the others!!  And I had google maps switched on!!! We must have driven round the same bit of Calais half a dozen times before we found the Auchan. About five minutes from the campsite! Did our bits of shopping and returned to the site with pizza and frites from the friterie for supper which we ended up eating at 11.00 at night.

Up early the next morning to a cool day with the promise of rain and Kate feeling poorly. Packed up as quickly as we could so we could get to the ferry port on time. Which we did only to be held up in the queue at passport control. Like last year the bloke went through every single passport and checked it against the occupants of the car. We eventually got through and joined the lane for the ferry. Had a good journey home with no hitches or holdups.


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