“Matty the Intruder” entered our lives in April 2005 via an ad on eBay. We had been looking for a motorhome for a while and had been very disappointed with the choices available, when Paul took a look, just out of interest, at the American RVs. We had often said we fancied one but wouldn’t be able to afford it. However, we discovered that we could get ourselves one for the same sort of prices we were looking at paying for the European models, so we started to look around. And there was “Matty”!
We went over to see him and fell in love at first sight! Within a few days he was ours and we went to pick him up. Paul was a bit nervous driving such a large vehicle the first time, but hopefully would become more confident. Once home he was shown off to all the family and a lot of time was spent sitting around in the new camper at the side of the road. Indeed, everyone who visited had to go and sit in it for 10 minutes. What the neighbours thought is anybody’s guess. Well, it was rather special, with a huge lounge area and all mod cons. It even had a full sized shower, queen bed, full size fridge/freezer and a coffee maker! Were we proud of our new acquisition. Now all we had to do was find somewhere to keep it. A problem soon solved with a visit to the local caravan storage company.
“Why do we want something as big as Matty?” you ask. Well just look at the size of this family. And when we all decide to go on holiday together for “The Teddy Bears Picnic Trip” where everyone had to bring a teddy bear, it becomes obvious why we needed something that big. Not that all 16 people, 4 dogs and 2 cats actually slept in the camper. We also took a huge tent, a small tent and a caravan. Even Bozzies’ bears had their own little tent!
Our little convoy set off in a howling gale and torrential rain having arranged to meet up with Mother and Dad at the Chester services between 9 and 10 o’clock in the morning. Fat chance! It doesn’t matter how many times we say we’re going to make an early start you can guarantee it’s going to be at least two hours later than when we wanted before we set off. Then Paul decided that as it was our first run in Matty we would take the M62 instead of the Woodhead Pass. So the late start coupled with the foul weather AND the M62 made for an inauspicious start to the week.
When we eventually arrived at the Chester service area we were greeted by my mother, frantically waving her arms about, trying to direct our 33ft camper into the already full car park. By following her instructions we ended up well and truly stuck with no easy way out of our predicament! Paul, after a lot of swearing and cursing about my mother, eventually extricated us from the car park and took us round the lorry park where we pulled up by a nice grass verge where we could walk the dogs. Time for a cup of tea all round!
After our short break our convoy, now increased by an extra caravan, continued on our journey. It remained windy and rainy for the rest of the trip and Paul found handling the camper hard going and was heard on several occasions to say he didn’t think we’d keep it. We eventually got to the site, after trying to take the canopy of the local garage off with the camper, and were guided to our pitches. Sloping or what! Before setting up camp we took some time to decide where everyone was going to pitch. Mother made a real meal of getting their caravan into position, so bad in fact that the owner of the campsite came and did it for her. And then she decided she didn’t like it how he had put it so we had to manhandle it round until she was satisfied. The way we were positioned we desperately needed something akin to the Great Wall of China to level us up. Said wall not being available we managed to manoeuvre “Matty” onto a pile of chocks more akin to the Leaning Tower of Pisa than anything else, which had been provided by Mother. Quite why she had a caravan full of bits of old sleeper is beyond me but thankfully she had on this occasion. This done we set about getting the tents and the caravan awning up in the gale force wind that was blowing across the open field. Not to mention four wingeing kids Finally, with a lot more cursing and swearing we had made camp and could turn our attention to other things. Like dinner.
The next day was less rainy but still cool and windy. I got up with the idea that we’d have breakfast and get off to explore the area. But that’s all it was, an idea. Others had their own ideas on how the day would be spent. To be fair I should have realized that not everyone would share my enthusiasm for an early start, especially when they’d got small children to sort out. It just seemed to me that everyone was trying to NOT go anywhere by incessantly brewing tea and making bacon sandwiches. Except for Mother and Dad who had been ready for ages. Then, of course, everything blew! Tempers were lost, people stormed off and Danii told my mother to pack up and go home if she didn’t like it! And all because I couldn’t not moan to my mother about my plans going awry. We eventually ended up having a very short visit to Criccieth castle followed by eating delicious home made ice creams perched on the shop window ledge at 4 o’clock in the afternoon.
At last we had a fine but still breezy day. We went into Portmadoc where we discovered an Aldi. Well that was it, in we trooped and set ourselves up for a barbecue. As they were selling the barbecues cheap, we bought two. We then went for a look round town where I had my bank card swallowed by the machine.Which meant, after a brief temper tantrum in the middle of town, I had to mess about phoning my bank to sort it out. It turned out that, because both cards were registered to the same address and our first initial is the same, the bank had cancelled my card instead of Bozzies when she reported her card stolen. So there we were on a weeks holiday with no access to our cash. Good job other people could get to their money. Back on site the day had turned into a lovely evening so Paul, Paul and Darroch put the new barbecues together and fired them up and finally with the aid of food and wine we all began to chill out.
The highlight of the week was the pre-booked trip on the Ffestiniog Railway. It was a beautiful, sunny day. On arriving at the station we found the car park to be full (it is only a diddy little one) except for one disabled space with a cone in it. We pulled up and asked the attendant if we could park there and were told that the space was reserved for someone who worked there. we were just about to leave for the other car park when Mother, true to form, grabbed her walking stick, jumped out, did her famous lopsided hobble-cum-shuffle over to the attendant, got in his face and demanded that we be allowed to use that space as she was disabled. The poor attendant didn’t stand an earthly and ended up conceding. Whilst Mother & Dad waited for all the others to turn up Paul and I went to get the tickets. I will now reveal that we had turned up on the wrong day, our booking was for the next day. I was quaking at the though of telling everyone that we weren’t going on the train today. But being very sly, having learned from my mother at an early age, I fluttered my eyelashes and haughtily intimated to the ticket man that it was they who had got it wrong and why would I book tickets for the day I was going home? He apologised profusely and gave us our tickets and off we went. Some-one up there likes me! I swore Paul to secrecy on this one. We caught the train up to Tan-Y-Bwlch where we alighted and followed the nature trail down to the picnic area. And Mothers limp had miraculously disappeared! We had a relaxing hour in the sunshine, watching the children playing in the stream and around the edge of the lake with the dogs before wandering back to the top of the hill where we had ice creams whilst waiting for our return train. A great day was had by all.
The following day was abysmal again, cold with grey skies and torrential rain. So we decided to visit the local slate mine. All went well around the mine, no hitches or upsets, everyone appeared to enjoy themselves. Even baby Rowan got his own miner’s helmet.
But when we got back to the cars……… Daniis’ dog Diezel had eaten her way through Darrochs car! The dog guard had gone completely and she’d also chewed through a seatbelt and a headrest. Darroch was not impressed and Danii was devastated and felt like killing the dog there and then! We returned unhappily to the campsite where the mood remained heavy for the rest of the day.
And it didn’t improve the next day either. It continued to be really dismal, and not just the weather. Everyone was sniping at everyone else. When some of us decided we would go out, Danii refused to come saying that she would stay with the dogs after what had happened yesterday. Mother tried to be a martyr and said that if Danii wasn’t going then neither would she and had to be strongly persuaded to get in the car. The rest of the day fared no better. We went to visit an attraction that wasn’t there anymore, but the website and the tourist office still said it was! The weather didn’t improve and we ended up with a load of grumpy people wandering around Portmeirion just so we hadn’t completely wasted a day.
One Afternoon, after being cooped up all morning, some of us decided to try and find the path to the beach. Paul, Paul, Kate, Bozzie, Mother, Dad and I set off full of stamina. The first path we took soon fizzled out into nothingness and we found ourselves wandering around a large field looking for a way out. We found one, but maybe should have thought better of it. We climbed over a wall and landed up to our ankles in mud and cow poo. Those of us who were sylphlike enough bog-trotted across the sludge. We turned round, just in time to watch Paul, who being a bit heavier, had got stuck, lost his boot and was flailing his arms around looking like he was trying to send a demented semaphore message as he tried to keep his balance before finally putting his stockinged foot right in the poo! Much pants wetting hilarity ensued whilst he hopped out of the mud trying not to fall over. We then found the path we should have been on and made for the beach. A couple going the other way said we were nearly there. Ha ha! Ages and miles later we found the beach, but it was over the other side of a barbed wire fence and a railway track. It was either climb over the fence and cross the track or go back the way we had come. Well there was no choice was there? Trying to get Mother over was a further source of hilarity. Actually I’m not sure if we weren’t all getting a little hysterical by this point, but try and picture an 84 year old man trying to manhandle his 72 year old wife over a 5ft barbed wire fence aided by his son-in-law. She was wobbling all over the place with Dad trying to push from one side and Paul pulling from the other. Finally they got her over and we were on the beach (nothing but filthy pebbles after all that effort!) and faced with the long walk into Criccieth. By then Mother and Dad had had enough so we left the aged ones sitting on a bench in the only bit of sunshine we’d had all day, whilst we legged it back to the site to fetch the car to get them home
The day of the Teddy Bears Picnic must have been meant to be. The day was fine and sunny, no-one argued, the picnic was packed and off we went to Beddgelert with all the teddy bears. After looking at Gelerts grave we embarked on our walk. Once we found a suitable spot we settled down for our picnic. What a sight we must have looked with all our teddies sat round us and bottles of champagne flowing. Not at all the model family of serious walkers. Following our champagne picnic in the middle of the Welsh hillsides, some of us became quite daring with Bozzie and PJ frequently found encouraging the kids to climb up rocks, into tunnels and out onto some rocks in the middle of the river. Fortunately no-one fell in.
The end of the holiday came and everything had to be dismantled and packed away. We decided to get the aged ones off first as they had the farthest to go. Well, really it was so they didn’t become embroiled in what followed. Once they had left, tempers that had been held in check finally gave way and all hell let loose. Everyone was blaming everyone else for the bad atmosphere over the week, everyone was taking sides and no-one would help each other to pack away and Mr Nobody took up residence. At this point Paul had had enough and as Bozzie and Suzy were crossing the field chuntering to each other he hurled a cup at their retreating backs which caught Bozzie square in the back. All were stunned into silence, realizing that they had gone too far this time. Paul later apologised to Bozzie saying he was actually aiming at Suzy! The mood now became very muted and we hurriedly finished packing and set off.
The journey home was uneventful and made in good time as we went over Woodhead this time and Paul said it was much easier.
I know everyone will have their own memories of our first “family” holiday. So much so some have vowed never to repeat the experience.